Zhoudynasty

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking  him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?” He asked, “Do you have several drinks each day; liquor, beer or wine?”  “Oh no,” I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either.” Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?” I said, “No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!”  Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like fishing, playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?” “No, I don’t,” I said. He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?” “No,” I said. “I don’t do any of those things.” He looked at me and said, “Then, why do you give a shit?”

I got this forward from a colleague the other day, it’s pretty hillarious.  Reminds of college…

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®. Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.